Many of you are parents who have children heading back to school in the full heat of the summer (in much of the USA anyway, and it certainly is sweltering here in the South).
Make up your mind that this year your child is going to be a real success! Yes, actually it is up to you, believe it or not. Sorry, but much of what goes wrong with your child is often your fault (and yes, I'm a parent).
You are the adult; you control your child's environment outside of school. So it's up to you to:
Make up your mind that this year your child is going to be a real success! Yes, actually it is up to you, believe it or not. Sorry, but much of what goes wrong with your child is often your fault (and yes, I'm a parent).
You are the adult; you control your child's environment outside of school. So it's up to you to:
- Make sure your child is at school on time. If he/she can't find shoes, then you should have found them the night before and put them in a safe place, along with homework, lunch, or anything that your child needs before he/she leaves. (Yes, your child should learn responsiblity; that's why he is with you when you say, "Look I am putting your shoes...[whatever] by the back door so they'll be ready for you in the morning." You're avoiding morning tension, speeding your departure, and teaching a lesson, too).
- To be understanding and realize that you are the adult. Your child needs encouragement in the morning, so forget that you have a killer day in front of you and that life and your boss aren't fair. That's not your child's problem. Speak in a gentle voice, don't hector your child, and kiss him good-bye every morning (maybe a block before his friends see him) or maybe even when you get in the car.
- Know that your child is being picked up on time from school and is in the very best after school care situation if you are at work. Children won't tell you everything, and you've got to take time to assess after school care. What is more important than the people and place your children spend time?
- Not to nag your child because you cannot go home, and you have to run errands and he has to go too. Do you really think after a day at school he wants to go to the grocery store with you or watch you get a haircut? Don't let his whining bother you or make it a major issue so that it turns into a fight. Refuse to engage in bickering. Tell him he can do some of his homework in the salon, and then he'll be able to do something he likes to do when he gets home.
- Spend some time with your child in the evening. Yes, let him go outside to play, but have him do at least some homework at the kitchen table while you are preparing dinner. Look at his homework, even if you don't "check" it. Know what he's studying in math, history. Know as much as you can about his world.
- Have a firm "lights-out" time for school nights and stick to it! Consistency is key here. Our mother could never make us do anything because we knew that we could always wear her down. Be the rock that does not erode.
- Have a 30 minute period before "lights-out" when your child must be in bed, but can keep the light on to read, play a quiet game. I did this with my son and it provided a nice calming path to sleep for him.
- Not to put a television set in your under age 14 child's bedroom. He doesn't really need to watch much tv at all, and when he is watching, shouldn't you and/or some other family member be watching too? You are watching tv for entertainment - not to numb your mind, right?
- Determine who really needs to come first. Yes, you need some time for yourself, but remember that it was your decision to bring a child into the world. When I taught freshman English composition, I had many adult students whose children had entered school and they had come back to finish college. They often wrote essays in which they declared, "Now I'm going to do something for me." These women felt so put-upon. That always made me angry. Whom did they have children for? Not for me - I had my own son. Since when did having children for other people become a duty we must fulfill? So if you have that attitude, lose it quickly.
- Realize that you are Master of the Universe. Use your power for good, not evil.
- Try this one day, but if you fail, and curse me, just try to do it again the next day - and the next day, and the next day....you'll get better, your kids will get better, and life will be better - for everyone.
By the way, have you told your children that you love them today?
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