Kindness in the Car

In some places, driving has become a competitive sport of sorts involving much tension, aggression, and anxiety - even in places where traffic is not a problem.  Perhaps tapping into some primeval instinct to be first, to conquer, many people don't even want another car to get in front of them.
   If you want to become a nicer person, start with your driving.  Let people in ahead of you (not so many though that the drivers behind you become angry), quash the aggression that causes you to go faster and faster and feel that you must be first. 
   When you need to get into the next lane, don't speed up and try to get in front of the car that is already 2 lengths ahead of you.  Get behind that car.  (I don't know why people always try to speed ahead here in D.C. to get into the next lane when there's plenty of space behind the car).

   If you can be a gracious driver, it will improve your day!

Want your flowers to show up beautifully in any setting? Just add a mirror! If you have flowers on your coffee table, a mirror underneath doubles their impact and beauty. And it's easy to find inexpensive flat mirrors for a few dollars at a Michael's or any other craft store. For a tall vase of flowers, there's no better environment for them than in front of a long mirror over a mantel or an entryway chest or your dresser.

Mirrored trays are wonderful for so many other things as well as displaying flowers.

Flowers on the mantel are a classic!

My husband did a wonderful thing for Mother's Day. He sent me flowers and a box of candy from our two cats, Cluny and Cuervo, with a "thank you" for all I do for them. It was very special since it was very unexpected and something that I didn't even think he thought about. By the way, the flowers are still here, but the chocolates are gone! 

Send something special and very unexpected to someone special in your life. The feeling it will give that person is tremendous!

Graciousness

By way of Hybrie Morgan (I don't know the original):
 

 Two things determine success in life:

The way you manage when you have nothing.

The way you behave when you have everything.

          I believe true graciousness is behaving the same in both instances.

Eat Some Chocolate: It Does You Good!

Do something nice for yourself today: Eat some dark chocolate.  Get a bar of dark chocolate from your local Whole Foods or Trader Joe's - try for the highest cocoa content you can get, or you can even get a Hershey's Special Dark chocolate bar.  Eat it with your green tea or coffee, and enjoy the wonderful aroma of chocolate and the extra rush of endorphins it gives you! 

 While you do want to take in account the calories and amount of fat and sugar if you are on a strict diet, dark chocolate is actually very good for you. A report in The Journal of the American Medical Association reports that dark chocolate (most emphatically NOT milk or white chocolate) can lower your mild high blood pressure. Also, dark chocolate has antioxidants, and antioxidants "gobble up free radicals, destructive molecules that are implicated in heart disease and other ailments"(webmd.com). It has been shown to help harden tooth enamel. And since it has a low glycemic index, it won't cause your blood sugar to spike.

  Just remember: NEVER eat your dark chocolate while drinking milk as it will cancel out the good effects.

Saying "I Love You"

Have you said "I love you" today to anyone that you do truly love?  If you don't feel like picking up the phone, send an e-mail. It's unobtrusive, you get the point across, and the recipient reads at his or her leisure. It's a small gesture that takes little time and one that will give someone a smile and a good feeling.

Sleep, Sleep, Ah......Sleep

I am an insomniac.  I live for decent, deep comforting sleep that I seldom get. But I am working on it! If you have problems with insomnia (and I have had since I was only 6 years old when fears kept me awake) make sure that you are doing the following (they really are important):

• Don't sleep with your television on.  Okay, that's a given, right? But if your insomnia started early in life and was terror-based, it's hard to believe that you can actually go to sleep without the television. I used the television for everything from company to blocking out other people's annoying sounds. TURN IT OFF! Breathe deeply, and see that now that you are grown, it is much easier to go to sleep without the light and sound of a tv.
• Don't take long naps in the early evening.  It's tempting, especially if you are really sleepy and can lapse into a delicious sleep at 6 or 7 in the evening.  That sleep feels so good - but it's going to keep you up for the rest of the night when you actually go to be at 11 or 12. Find something to do and skip the nap.
• Don't drink coffe, tea, sodas.  When I was in my twenties, I drank cup after cup of coffee all day and made fresh pots at 6, 7, 8 and 9 at night, then complained that I couldn't sleep.  The coffee wasn't the only cause of my insomnia, but it certainly didn't help.
• Do take a warm bath with something that smells soothing and great added to the water about 30 minutes or more before bed.  Don't watch Criminal Minds, CSI (any of them), Forensic Files or any of the other doom and gloom programs you may ordinarily enjoy. You may think that they do not disturb or scare you, but they are unsettling to the mind which doesn't forget them that easily. Best: watch something funny, something that can make you laugh out loud. Try Nick at Night or TV Land for some of the lightest comedies going.

Sleep is too important to us to tolerate poor quality sleep or insomnia. Do something, even if the last resort is a sleep clinic or doctor-prescribed sleeping pills. Your quality of life will vastly improve!

The Trials of Love

Loving is difficult, especially when we have loved ones who are going through trying times, who are unhappy, even bitter.  We can try to be supportive, but when that doesn't work, and they retreat into themselves and their misery, we can try to understand and do our best not to blame them for their coldness or their anger as they lash out against everyone who cares for them.  We must remind ourselves that love means harboring no resentment toward them, no anger; sometimes, we simply have to wait.

Do You Want To Cure Procrastination Problems?

The greatest thief of time is procrastination; it steals away the time you need for important things and in return gives you time that you don't really enjoy because you know you should be doing something else.

I am a procrastinator, and like most procrastinators, I had excuses, such as, "I work better under pressure."  Of course, I really did believe this for a while, but it simply isn't true.  Most of us work better when we have time to take time and do a job correctly - and that may mean time to redo.

I've left the excuses behind, but I still have to fight an almost daily battle against procrastination in many areas of my life (not work, thank goodness!).

Here are some coping strategies:

• If you procrastinate about cleaning, try to reduce clutter and clean as you go; never put dishes in the sink, they go straight to the dishwasher, clothes go straight into the hamper, or even into the washer, magazines go into the trash right after you've finished reading (or clipping, if you do that).

• If you procrastinate about bill-paying, do it online.  I used to dread those monthly sessions, opening bills packed full of advertising that filled a trash can, writing checks, addressing envelopes, and making sure I had stamps.  Save time and pay bills online by either going to each site individually and paying (my preferred method for credit card payments) and paying utilities online through your checking account.  The time saved is considerable, plus if you go paper-free, you save a mountain of trees in paper!

• Do you procrastinate at work?  Get a work buddy if possible and keep tabs on each other about finishing work.  If your work is solitary, look at what is interfering - do you spend too much time talking and visiting, flirting with the cute guy in Accounting, planning lunch, or doing personal business (or games) online? Either go in early and do work before others get there or stay to yourself. Plan tomorrow's lunch the afternoon before after you've done your tasks for the day. If you do personal business online, remember that with most companies or institutions, nothing that you do on your office computer is actually personal; it can all be traced.  If you have games on your computer, have them taken off!

Just changing one of these can get you started on a more disciplined path that can result in actually having more time to have fun!

Here Come the Holidays!

Do you use your sterling silver and silverplated flatware and decorative pieces for the holidays?  If they are tarnished and you are rushed for time,  try polishing your silver this easy way.

Line your kitchen sink with aluminum foil and add a scoop of Arm and Hammer clothes detergent.  Let the silver stay in this mixture for about 5 minutes.  When you take it out, wipe it, then rinse it and dry: you have newly polished silver!

Thinking Like a Psychoanalyst

Have family and/or friends come to you for help when they had a problem, when they felt depressed because of circumstances, when they had relationship troubles, or during other trying times? Remember that it is very easy to tell a person what we think he/she should do; it is another thing entirely to listen, really listen to the person's problems.  But that is what he wants:  a listener.  Sometimes he may ask for advice, but think to yourself, does this person really want advice? Can I give good advice?  Ask the last question of yourself carefully, over and over, before you spontaneously say what you think off the top of your head.  Very few of us give good advice for the person who needs it.  We may give advice that would work for ourselves in a similar situation, but we so seldom really think about the other person, his needs, goals, and priorities. Psychoanalysts probably help patients the most by listening to them, then letting them know that they are understood. And you can do that and be more helpful than you may know!

Rejoice

Tonight a full moon shines over the city where I live. It is a reminder of everything that is beautiful in this world.  Go outside, look at the moon, and rejoice that you are alive in this moment.

Remember...

To be nice to yourself; we all do things we wish that we hadn't and have regrets, but each regret that you have is replacing what could otherwise be a moment of happiness.  If you can say you're sorry, do so; if what you did can't be addressed by talking to someone, then let it go, and every time you think about the misdeed, say to yourself, "Let it go."  Remember something that you did well instead or concentrate on doing something good in the present.

Spring Cleaning for the Soul

This is a wonderful time of year for me. It's almost summer, but not quite, and there's a promise in the air of good times ahead and outdoor fun breathing fresh air.

I love Spring Cleaning and try to do it every year for my house.

Have you ever tried to do it for your mind?

Banish the negative thoughts you've been hanging onto about the people around you.

Tell yourself that the little things that seem to annoy you and make your day unpleasant (the passenger behind you who kicks your seat on the plane, your husband's socks on the floor, the way your teenager has to slap the stairwell as he/she comes downstairs and dirty the wall) just don't really matter enough to spoil your mood. In 50 years, who will care. The plane trip is only 2 hours - you can stand that. Ignore the socks - your husband more than makes up for them in other ways. And remember, in a few years, you'll be fondly remembering how your long-gone teen slapped the wall.

Life is too short to spend it in a bad mood.

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New Year's Resolutions

I make New Year's Resolutions every year, and like many people, I don't quite follow through - all the way. But that doesn't stop me from making my Resolutions the next year...and the next.. and you know what? I think that it's a good thing to do anyway.

Making New Year's Resolutions means that you consciously think of ways that you could improve your life (and we hope, others' also), and that is a positive act in itself. Then, even if you only succeed in doing 20% of what you resolved to accomplish, you're still 20% better off than you were last year.

The only thing I warn against is feeling as though you failed if you did not live up to your resolutions. If nothing else, realize the optimistic outlook it takes to make resolutions in the first place. It is an acknowledgement that life can be improved upon, that you can improve yourself, that progress is always possible.

And progress is what it's all about, right?

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Remember Someone

Today, think about someone you haven't thought about in a long time - someone who was good to you, someone who made a difference to you in a positive way. Call that person if you're an extrovert; if you're an introvert, write a brief note saying hello or even an e-mail saying "Hi!". Do you remember the last time you got mail that wasn't a bill, a request for a donation or a favor, or bad news? It was nice, wasn't it?
Return the favor and just say hello to someone you like.

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Be a Master of the Universe!

Many of you are parents who have children heading back to school in the full heat of the summer (in much of the USA anyway, and it certainly is sweltering here in the South).
Make up your mind that this year your child is going to be a real success! Yes, actually it is up to you, believe it or not. Sorry, but much of what goes wrong with your child is often your fault (and yes, I'm a parent).
You are the adult; you control your child's environment outside of school. So it's up to you to:

• Make sure your child is at school on time. If he/she can't find shoes, then you should have found them the night before and put them in a safe place, along with homework, lunch, or anything that your child needs before he/she leaves. (Yes, your child should learn responsiblity; that's why he is with you when you say, "Look I am putting your shoes...[whatever] by the back door so they'll be ready for you in the morning." You're avoiding morning tension, speeding your departure, and teaching a lesson, too).
  
• To be understanding and realize that you are the adult. Your child needs encouragement in the morning, so forget that you have a killer day in front of you and that life and your boss aren't fair. That's not your child's problem. Speak in a gentle voice, don't hector your child, and kiss him good-bye every morning (maybe a block before his friends see him) or maybe even when you get in the car.
• Know that your child is being picked up on time from school and is in the very best after school care situation if you are at work. Children won't tell you everything, and you've got to take time to assess after school care. What is more important than the people and place your children spend time?
• Not to nag your child because you cannot go home, and you have to run errands and he has to go too. Do you really think after a day at school he wants to go to the grocery store with you or watch you get a haircut? Don't let his whining bother you or make it a major issue so that it turns into a fight. Refuse to engage in bickering. Tell him he can do some of his homework in the salon, and then he'll be able to do something he likes to do when he gets home.
• Spend some time with your child in the evening. Yes, let him go outside to play, but have him do at least some homework at the kitchen table while you are preparing dinner. Look at his homework, even if you don't "check" it. Know what he's studying in math, history. Know as much as you can about his world.
• Have a firm "lights-out" time for school nights and stick to it! Consistency is key here. Our mother could never make us do anything because we knew that we could always wear her down. Be the rock that does not erode.
• Have a 30 minute period before "lights-out" when your child must be in bed, but can keep the light on to read, play a quiet game. I did this with my son and it provided a nice calming path to sleep for him.
• Not to put a television set in your under age 14 child's bedroom. He doesn't really need to watch much tv at all, and when he is watching, shouldn't you and/or some other family member be watching too? You are watching tv for entertainment - not to numb your mind, right?
• Determine who really needs to come first. Yes, you need some time for yourself, but remember that it was your decision to bring a child into the world. When I taught freshman English composition, I had many adult students whose children had entered school and they had come back to finish college. They often wrote essays in which they declared, "Now I'm going to do something for me." These women felt so put-upon. That always made me angry. Whom did they have children for? Not for me - I had my own son. Since when did having children for other people become a duty we must fulfill? So if you have that attitude, lose it quickly.
• Realize that you are Master of the Universe. Use your power for good, not evil.
• Try this one day, but if you fail, and curse me, just try to do it again the next day - and the next day, and the next day....you'll get better, your kids will get better, and life will be better - for everyone.

By the way, have you told your children that you love them today?

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Words To Live By

Before you speak, ask yourself, is it kind,
is it necessary, is it true, does it improve
on the silence?
-Sai Baba

It was when I was staying in Madras/Chennai in 1999 that I first heard of Sai Baba; there was a temple across from the compound where my son lived. These words are his best.

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Turnabout

For at least 21 years, we train our children to live up to society's expectations (and frequently our own), then, if we are lucky, we spend the rest of our lives living up to our children.

Speak Up or Give That Look

I can be pretty cynical, but sometimes there is something that gets to me that is little, that is corny. One is this commercial on television where a man is in a restaurant being served by an immigrant who doesn't speak English - or not well - anyway. The man is an obnoxious boor and says rude things about immigrants and ends with, "You know what I mean?"
A clean-cut young All-American Iowa corn fields and middle America man looks at him, and says very respectfully, yet firmly, "No, Sir, I don't."
I love that! It is the Hollywood form of modeling - showing people how to behave when confronted with wrong-minded rudeness, especially when it is biased in nature. I consider it a great leap toward the "kinder, gentler place" America wants to be (or I hope it wants to be).
Not everyone can carry off the respectful tone in such a noncombative manner as the young man in the ad, so I prevail upon everyone to practice "the look." You know what "the look" is because you got it a million times when you started to do something wrong when company was present and your mother was too. It's a warning of dire things to come...if.
Or there's the "cold shoulder" look. That's the one where you look at the person and raise your chin up and then look away, never to look again because that bad person no longer exists on your planet.
It's the easiest way to make unacceptable behavior unpopular without drawing undue attention to yourself.

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