The Trials of Love

Loving is difficult, especially when we have loved ones who are going through trying times, who are unhappy, even bitter.  We can try to be supportive, but when that doesn't work, and they retreat into themselves and their misery, we can try to understand and do our best not to blame them for their coldness or their anger as they lash out against everyone who cares for them.  We must remind ourselves that love means harboring no resentment toward them, no anger; sometimes, we simply have to wait.

Thinking Like a Psychoanalyst

Have family and/or friends come to you for help when they had a problem, when they felt depressed because of circumstances, when they had relationship troubles, or during other trying times? Remember that it is very easy to tell a person what we think he/she should do; it is another thing entirely to listen, really listen to the person's problems.  But that is what he wants:  a listener.  Sometimes he may ask for advice, but think to yourself, does this person really want advice? Can I give good advice?  Ask the last question of yourself carefully, over and over, before you spontaneously say what you think off the top of your head.  Very few of us give good advice for the person who needs it.  We may give advice that would work for ourselves in a similar situation, but we so seldom really think about the other person, his needs, goals, and priorities. Psychoanalysts probably help patients the most by listening to them, then letting them know that they are understood. And you can do that and be more helpful than you may know!