The Trials of Love

Loving is difficult, especially when we have loved ones who are going through trying times, who are unhappy, even bitter.  We can try to be supportive, but when that doesn't work, and they retreat into themselves and their misery, we can try to understand and do our best not to blame them for their coldness or their anger as they lash out against everyone who cares for them.  We must remind ourselves that love means harboring no resentment toward them, no anger; sometimes, we simply have to wait.

Thinking Like a Psychoanalyst

Have family and/or friends come to you for help when they had a problem, when they felt depressed because of circumstances, when they had relationship troubles, or during other trying times? Remember that it is very easy to tell a person what we think he/she should do; it is another thing entirely to listen, really listen to the person's problems.  But that is what he wants:  a listener.  Sometimes he may ask for advice, but think to yourself, does this person really want advice? Can I give good advice?  Ask the last question of yourself carefully, over and over, before you spontaneously say what you think off the top of your head.  Very few of us give good advice for the person who needs it.  We may give advice that would work for ourselves in a similar situation, but we so seldom really think about the other person, his needs, goals, and priorities. Psychoanalysts probably help patients the most by listening to them, then letting them know that they are understood. And you can do that and be more helpful than you may know!

Spring Cleaning for the Soul

This is a wonderful time of year for me. It's almost summer, but not quite, and there's a promise in the air of good times ahead and outdoor fun breathing fresh air.

I love Spring Cleaning and try to do it every year for my house.

Have you ever tried to do it for your mind?

Banish the negative thoughts you've been hanging onto about the people around you.

Tell yourself that the little things that seem to annoy you and make your day unpleasant (the passenger behind you who kicks your seat on the plane, your husband's socks on the floor, the way your teenager has to slap the stairwell as he/she comes downstairs and dirty the wall) just don't really matter enough to spoil your mood. In 50 years, who will care. The plane trip is only 2 hours - you can stand that. Ignore the socks - your husband more than makes up for them in other ways. And remember, in a few years, you'll be fondly remembering how your long-gone teen slapped the wall.

Life is too short to spend it in a bad mood.

life spirituality meditation family mood behavior relationships philosophy marriage